117 Beyond Your Wedding Day Podcast-How To Resolve Conflict In Marriage
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In this episode of the Beyond Your Wedding Day Podcast, we discuss chapter 14 “Resolving Conflict With A Boundary Loving Spouse” from the book “Boundaries in Marriage” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.
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It’s not just the issues themselves that are a problem in marriage, it’s the ability to deal with them that is key!
*Being open to feedback is critical when dealing with marital issues
*You also have to be willing to look at yourself
*Finally, being able to see when you are wrong is extremely important
The people that do all the above things are called “Boundary Lovers”
Boundary Lovers share nine characteristics:
1) They are open to feedback and correction from others and gain understanding as a result of confrontation or feedback
2) They don’t become defensive when their spouse shares feedback
3) They take ownership of their own problems, choices, feelings, attitudes, and behaviors
4) They have the ability to see themselves and observe their behavior
5) They value the treasures of their spouse
6) They see their spouse as an individual, separate from themselves, with separate experiences
7) They allow their spouse the freedom to be different from them.
8) They respect the freedom and space of their spouse
9) They see their own need for growth and change
An overall strategy for dealing with conflict:
1) Observation: You have to notice the conflict and call it for what it is.
2) Confrontation: You must discuss the conflict. The important part is to come at it with love.
3) Ownership, grief, and apology: Own your part of the problem. Confess and apologize or express your hurt, but forgive.
4) Repentance: If you have been doing something to hurt your spouse: stop! Change your behavior.
5) Involvement in the process: Commit to the process of repairing the relationship and stick with it!
6) Reexamination: Make sure to constantly check in