087 Beyond Your Wedding Day Podcast-What To Do Before You Say I Do

by mike on July 6, 2012

087 Beyond Your Wedding Day Podcast-What To Do Before You Say I Do

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In this episode of the Beyond Your Wedding Day Podcast, we discuss the fourth chapter of the book “The Good News About Sex and Marriage” by Christopher West, “What To Do Before You Say I Do”.

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*It is, first and foremost, important to have a relationship with Jesus Christ.  Without this relationship, we may see the Church’s teachings as just dos and donts and may approach it as “what can I get away with?”

*What does chastity mean?

-it’s not just a “no” to illicit sex, it is a “yes” to the true meaning and reason for sex

-Chastity frees us from using other people for our self-gratification and instead helps us to love others as Christ does

*Why shouldn’t two consenting adults who love each other be able to have sex?

-Of course two consenting, loving adults CAN have sex, but is it what is best for either of them?

-Love is way more than just feelings and sexual attraction. These are a part of love, but it is not the complete form. Love is a CHOICE, not a feeling.

-When two people have sex, they are saying “I am yours freely, totally, faithfully, fruitfully, forever.” If two people are not married, they are then lying to each other with their bodies.

-A couple who has sex before marriage and sees nothing wrong with it doesn’t truly understand the meaning of marriage. Marriage just becomes a piece of paper to make it official.

-It’s really important to look at this as not “premarital sex” versus “postmarital sex”, but “marital sex” versus “nonmarital sex”

-it is impossible for a non-married couple to have marital sex, but it is possible for married couples to have nonmarital sex

*How can I regain this understanding of sex if I’ve already blown it?

-the simple answer is to go to reconciliation and start walking towards the light

*If we’re engaged and know in our hearts we are already committed to each other for life, why shouldn’t we express that commitment through sexual intercourse?

-Remember: sex is the physical expression of the spiritual marriage bond.

-Committed to getting married is different than actually being married in the Church in front of a priest or deacon and 2 witnesses

-Hold out for the real thing! Hold out for the joy of sacramental sex!

*Why does the Church teach that we’re “living in sin” if we move in together?  We are just trying  to see if we’re compatible.

-From a practical standpoint, study after study has shown that the divorce rate is higher among those who cohabit before marriage

-From a sinful standpoint, it’s not so much the living under the same roof that is the problem, it is the public commitment to having sex before marriage

-One study showed that marriage that began with premarital sex are three times more likely to get divorced than those who save sex for marriage

-It’s never too late to start, make the commitment NOW to save sex until after you are married. Turn to Christ and start training yourself now to live the virtues of a sacred marriage.

*How do you know where the line is, is there a line?

-It is a heart thing. We have to battle lust in our hearts. Lust is using another person for your own gratification.

-For example, a married couple who has sex is not crossing the line physically. But, if they are just because it feels good and not to say “I am yours freely, totally, faithfully, and open to children”, then they did cross a line in their hearts.

-The same is true for a dating couple kissing. It is all about what they are “saying” to each other.

*Aren’t there still physical lines that shouldn’t be crossed?

-Physical behaviors that aim to arouse the body in preparation for intercourse are not appropriate for the unmarried

-if either the man or woman is brought to the point of climax, the line has been crossed a long time ago!

-Remember, you should always be aiming to show or give love, not get something

*Isn’t there some kind of difference between dating and engaged couples with regard to chastity?

It does make sense that there would be some deeper intimacy between an engaged couple versus a couple who are merely “dating”

*Does the Church really teach that masturbation is wrong?  In fact, most psychologists speak of masturbation as a normal, healthy thing.  Many even indicate that it’s unhealthy NOT to masturbate.

-Without the perspective of God’s plan from the beginning, masturbation seems normal.

-But, it turns us completely into ourselves and turns sex into something that is only for our own gratification.

*What’s the big deal with pornography?

-if we remember God’s original plan for sexuality, then we realize just how far from that plan pornography is!

-It makes men see women as a means to gratify their sexual desires, not as someone made in the image of God

-Basically, the biggest problem is LUST and what that does to your heart and prevents you from freely and truly loving your spouse or spouse-to-be



Would you like to work with Mandy and Mike one on one?  Check out the Beyond Your Wedding Day Marriage Prep Course.

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