080 Beyond Your Wedding Day Podcast-How To Fail At Being A Good Husband
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Chapter 19 Common “Head”-Aches
-Unfortunately many men fail at their role of leadership. The following are the top 5 worst ways for men to distort their role of headship:
Five: Irresponsible Headship
*this is best summed up by the husband who promises the world, but never follows through
*he uses his promises to manipulate his wife and others
*this is the guy who is always after the next get rich quick scheme
*he’s always forgetting things and hopes his wife sees his irresponsible behaviors as cute
*he’s basically a little boy in search of a mommy
-unfortunately, many women marry these men and they do mommy them as they are not sure how to make him step up and be responsible.
-the biggest problem is that she loses respect for him quick and that is a quick road down disaster
Four: Emotionally Detached Headship
*a husband who never shows emotion and is not connected to his family
*he is usually very analytical and methodical and is afraid to show emotions
*this is the guy who lacks any passion when it comes to the things he does (especially with his family)
Three: Dictatorial Headship
*a husband who uses threats and intimidation to bully his family
*his wife better not dare question his authority, he will remind her that the Bible says he is the head of the house
*this is the guy who barks orders and makes everyone else do things for him
*he is generally very sexist and his son(s) better not dare shed a tear in his presence
*he is often very close to abuse and may even resort to it if he gets enraged enough
Two: Workaholic Headship
*this is relatively self-explanatory
*it’s not just about someone who works hard for his family, it’s that his work consumes him
*this is the guy who works 80 hours per week, buys really nice things for his wife and kids and then wonders why his marriage is falling apart
*he thinks that providing nice things for his family is the way to be the head of the household, the rest just doesn’t matter (what else do they want from him!)
One: Spiritually Apathetic Headship
*a husband who does nothing to deepen his faith life
*he may even go to church with his family every week, but that’s as far as it goes
*this is the guy who never discusses anything about God or the Bible with anyone
Chapter 20: Is There Hope For the Headless Family?
-Two steps men can take to be a better servant-leader
*Increase your knowledge-read books so that you can better understand women
*Join or form a small group of men: you can meet weekly and discuss your struggles and pray with/for each other
-If you ultimately need to, go seek professional help. You may need to break deep-seated habits that have developed over years.
-What can a wife do to change her husband?
*nothing, a wife CANNOT change her husband, he has to change himself
*if he is abusive to his wife or children, then the wife must take action and protect herself and her children!
Chapter 21: “Helper” Doesn’t Mean “Enabler”
-Many people know of a wife who enables her husband to cheat on her by ignoring all evidence. She is content living in her blissful ignorance and allow him to continue in his sin because she is afraid of what will happen if she has to face the problem.
*Remember that the Bible never encourage a woman to promote and enable unhealthy and sin
-If you, as a wife, need to seek help, you can always turn to a minister, priest, or doctor who can often point you in the right direction
-Bottom line: don’t use the excuse of “helper” to be an enabler of your husband’s bad behaviors
*I have often seen this enabling occur in finances
Chapter 22: The Church: Can It Be A Refuge For Women?
-Unfortunately, many pastors give terrible advice for wives who seek their counsel when their husband is abusive.
-Churches can be helpful by offering information (sermons, classes, etc.) for families about Biblical teachings of marriage and family
-Men in the church must be held accountable by the leaders and other men in the church. Being afraid of confrontation is not Christian.
-Churches also have to be careful of women who just want justification and approval for leaving their husband. They might not really want help, just approval.
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