074 Beyond Your Wedding Day Podcast-Husbands Should Be the Head of the Household
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Mandy and Mike discussed their amazing weekend leading 14 engaged couples on retreat.
Chapter 6: The High Calling of Headship
-Today, society is set up that you either have to be for a husband’s role of headship or for women’ equality. The implication is that you can only have one or the other which is just not true
-Ephesians 5 is extremely blunt about what husband as head of the house means:
*It’s not really that hard to understand. It may be hard to swallow or to practice, but not hard to understand
*this teaching of Paul’s went completely against the society at the time. Adultery and divorce were running rampant in Rome and women and men had no distinct roles and didn’t want to even discuss it
-The word “head” meant something back then quite different than it means now
*now it conjures up thoughts of “authoritarian”, “boss”, “ruler”, “superior”, etc.
*back then, it would have meant “life-giving”, “protector”, “provider”, “lover”, “responsible for”, “developer of”
-just read the passage and see if you can see that same tone in the words
*Either which way, it still means “LEADER” and did back then as well
*the husband must embrace the fact that being a leader of his family is a calling to empower another human being. That is a HUGE responsibility!
-Headship under the curse
*in Genesis 3:16, it says that “husbands shall rule over you”
*keep in mind, this is after the fall of humans and this is God saying that from now on (because of Adam and Eve’s actions), men are going to rule over women in a domineering way. Just like he said that women would have pain in childbirth. Neither might not be fair, but it is a consequence.
-Headship under Christ is different though
*Jesus was the perfect example of a servant-leader. That was a radical, new, different way to be a leader than people were used to
*So, when Paul called husbands to be leaders, or the head, of the house, he was calling us to lead just as Jesus did “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve”
Chapter 7: Lording Leader or Serving Leader?
-“Servant-Leader” is a title that every husband should be continually striving for
*The lording leader just declares what is going to happen, barks out orders, and there is not discussion. “We are going to the beach for vacation this year and that’s that”
*The servant leader gets input from his family. He first takes the concerns and needs of everyone into account, THEN makes a decision
-Understanding a wife’s needs
*A lording leader doesn’t understand women at all or have any desire to figure it out. He treats her mostly by using typical stereotypes about women and the things that make her feminine annoy him
*The servant leader accepts that his wife is different than him and appreciates those differences. He reads and studies to get to know more about her and women in general.
*The lording leader has to win every argument. Every discussion is win-lose and he better be the one who wins
*The servant leader seeks the truth first, not interested in who “wins”
-Strengths and Weaknesses
*The lording leader loves to point out and make fun of his wife’s faults. He says he is just teasing but she has long ago not found it funny
*The servant leader pumps up his wife using words of affirmation.
*The lording leader believes he is being a man by throwing his weight around with his wife to manipulate her. He sometimes even uses his physical strength to get his point across
*The servant leader works to empower his wife and would never use physical threats to dominate his wife
*The lording leader doesn’t do anything around the house and expects his wife and kids to practically wait on him. If he ever does do anything, he makes sure to make a big deal so everyone gives him credit.
*The servant leader actively manages his home. He sets the tone with fun, smiles, and a willingness to help each other out.
-Being a servant leader in your house is not always easy. It’s a continual process of dying to yourself
*it may mean you get up in the middle of the night with the baby even though you have to work in the morning b/c you’re wife has hit a brick wall. It’s not easy, but it’s well worth it!
Chapter 8: Twenty five ways to be a servant leader
Mike and Mandy discussed how Mike stacks up against the following servant leader traits:
1) Includes his wife in envisioning the future
2) Accepts spiritual responsibility for his family
3) Is willing to say “I’m sorry” and “forgive me” to his family
4) Discusses household responsibilities with his wife and makes sure they are fairly distributed
5) Seeks the consultation of his wife on all financial decisions
6) Follows through on commitments he makes to his wife
7) Anticipates the different stages his marriage will pass through
8) Anticipates the stages his children will pass through
9) Frequently tells his wife what he likes about her
10) Provides financially for his family’s basic living expenses
11) Deals with distractions (like the tv or computer) to talk with his family
12) Prays with his wife on a regular basis
13) Initiates meaningful family traditions
14) Initiates fun outings for the family on a monthly basis (or maybe more often)
15) Takes the time to give his children practical instruction about life
16) Goes over the upcoming week with his wife to clarify their schedule and anticipate any pressure points
17) Keeps his family out of debt
18) Makes sure he and his wife have a will and a plan to what will happen with the children if they should die (this also includes having life insurance)
19) Lets his children into the interior of his life
20) Praises his wife often in public
21) Explains sex to his children in a way that gives him or her a wholesome perspective
22) Encourages his wife to grow as an individual
23) Takes the lead in establishing with his wife clear and well-reasoned convictions/rules in the household
24) Joins a small group of men who are dedicated to improving their skills as husbands and fathers
25) Provides time for his wife to pursue personal interests.