073 Beyond Your Wedding Day Podcast-Equal Does Not Mean the Same

by mike on March 7, 2012

073 Beyond Your Wedding Day Podcast-Equal Does Not Mean the Same

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In this episode of the Beyond Your Wedding Day Podcast, we begin our discussion of the book Rocking The Roles by Robert Lewis and William Hendricks.

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Chapter 2: The Myth of the Roleless Marriage

-The days of the “traditional” marriage are over

*an intact family, with only one person working, are by far the minority

*most couples are striving for an “equal” marriage where everyone contributes exactly the same in exactly the same way (both earn the equal amount of money, share the chores exactly 50/50, etc.)

-Have women really gained ground?

*study after study shows that women still do a majority of the household chores

*so, they are taking care of the house AND helping to pay for it!

*interestingly, “traditional” men were more likely to pitch in and help around the house versus those men who encourage their wives to work outside the home

-The roleless marriage is an ideal that is impossible to achieve

                  *if the roleless marriage is such an improvement over the traditional one, why are so few couples having success with it?

*it can’t work because it’s a fundamentally flawed concept, no matter how appealing it may sound in theory

Chapter 3: Why the Roleless Marriage Won’t Work (3 Reasons)

-1) A marriage of equality makes little sense organizationally

                  *a marriage is an organization of two people

*like all other organizations, it doesn’t make sense to have an organization with no one in charge and everyone doing the same jobs

-2) History and culture offer little hope for roleless relationships

                  *historian after historian, sociologist after sociologist have studies cultures and found that women are always subordinate to men.

*each gender has always had distinct roles: men being in charge of society as a whole (the larger group) and women being in charge domestically

-3) The roleless marriage contradicts the plain teaching of the Bible

                  *the Bible is very clear about how marriage should be organized.  It uses words such as head, protect, and provide to describe husbands and helper, lover, and submission to describe wives

*the Bible also is very clear about the distinction between males and females, there is no unisex

* just because a husband and wife are equal, does not mean that they are the SAME

*the underlying concept of the roleless marriage is a good one: to have fairness, justice, and respect in marriages.  The roleless marriage is just not the way to achieve those ideals

Chapter 4: The Traditional Marriage

-the “traditional” family is not the same as the Bibilical family

-The family of the 50s and 60s had 3 major flaws:

                  *1) the absentee father: it was seen as ok, in fact encouraged, for fathers to spend very little time at home and instead pursue career goals

-even when he was home, the father often kept to himself and wasn’t emotionally available to his wife or kids

*2) devalued women: women were never evaluated as individual women, it was only in reference to her husbands and/or kids.  Women were basically viewed as “second-class” which is NOT what Scripture says “for the value of a virtuous wife is far above rubies…”

*3) mutual tolerance: it was common for couples to settle for a terrible, unintimate marriage just for the sake of marriage.  In other words, the only two options were divorce (which wasn’t really an option) or a miserable life tied to the ball and chain

*the problem is that 40 years later, there has not been a good marriage structure to replace the flawed “traditional” marriage

                  *in fact, the experiments that have gone on with marriage since the late 60s are a tragedy.  Just ask the abundance of kids who grew up as a product of these disasters who aren’t sure exactly what they should be doing in their marriages.

Chapter 5: Searching for the Biblical Ideal

-The word “roles” often has a negative connotation “KNOW YOUR ROLE!” 

                  *roles, Biblically speaking, are not about someone’s rank, but instead about their responsibility.  That is a huge distinction that must be kept in mind

-God created man and woman to have complementary functions

-“A Biblical marriage is a perfect blend of structure and equality, offering balance and beauty”

-The husbands role in a biblical marriage:

                  *it’s all about leadership.  But what kind of leadership?  Jesus is clear that being a great leader means being a servant-leader

*This leadership is all about responsibility, not privilege; service, not being served; support, not superiority

-The wife’s role in a biblical marriage:

                  *it’s all about helping and loving.  A wife and mother can support and nurture her family like no one else can

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