060 Beyond Your Wedding Day Podcast-A Day In Your Spouse’s Shoes

by mike on November 22, 2011

060 Beyond Your Wedding Day Podcast-You Have To Learn To Love Your Spouse

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In this episode of the Beyond Your Wedding Day Podcast, we continued our discussion of the book Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. We discussed Chapter 4 “Holy Honor.”

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-Marriage teaches us to respect others

-We are obsessed with being respected, but rarely do we think of showing respect

-Respecting our spouse and family can be tough b/c we are so close to them

-It can be harder to keep the respect for your spouse as routine sets in

            *at the beginning of a marriage, there can be little, minor struggles that pop up

*the problem is if eventually resentment sets in

*as our spouse’s weaknesses become more familiar to us, it can be harder to show respect for them

*failure to show respect, though, is a sign of spiritual immaturity

*we should spend our energy thanking God for the grace he has given our spouse in dealing with us versus concentrating on their faults

-We need to confront our own prejudices through our marriage

            *men, do you have a prejudice about women that they are second class citizens

*this will naturally rear its ugly head

*eventually, she will get tired of it and all hell will break loose

-Shockingly, men and women are different

            *men and women just view things differently (such as what it means when a women cries)

*sometimes we think if we find a different spouse, we wouldn’t have these problems, but sometimes it’s a man-woman thing not a Mandy-Mike thing

*a process to love your spouse: first, learn to understand her so that you can truly respect her so that you can truly love her

-We are called to a higher standard than just not dishonoring our spouse

            *instead, we need to actively honor her

*it’s easy to get sidetracked and not even think about ACTIVELY honoring your spouse (especially by speaking her/his love language)

*the more we honor and respect our spouse, the more we will honor and respect all people (who were created by God): it is a discipline that is learned through practice

-How to build contempt for contempt in your marriage

1) Adopt a holy double standard

*ask yourself if you think your spouse feels like they are married to Jesus

*this can be a tough question to ask yourself

*realize that always focusing on what your spouse can change is a sign of YOUR weakness

2) Gain a new understanding

*develop an empathy for your spouse’s daily struggles

*husbands, ask your wife what it’s like to deal with the kids nonstop, day in and day out

*wives, ask your husband what it’s like to deal with the stress and pressure of work on a daily basis

3) Cultivate gratitude

*words of affirmation

* “thanks for making dinner honey”

* “thanks for working so hard to support us”

4) Remember the effects of the Fall

*we have to understand that there is sin in this world and nothing, especially marriages, will ever be perfect in this world as we know it

*you are married to a sinful spouse in a sinful world, you have to understand this!

                        * “If you can’t respect this spouse because she is prone to certain weaknesses, you will never be able to respect any spouse”

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